What should I do when my child hits?
As parents, dealing with hitting can be frustrating and confusing. The good news is that hitting is a developmentally normal behavior at certain ages, and there are effective strategies to address it. Let’s break it down by age to better understand what’s happening and how you can respond.
Toddlers (1–3 years old)
Hitting at this age often occurs because toddlers lack the language and self-regulation skills to express their feelings. It’s their way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed!”
What to Do:
Stay calm and kind: Acknowledge their feelings without reinforcing the behavior. Say, “I see you’re upset. Hitting hurts.”
Redirect behavior: Gently stop their hand and show them an alternative, like patting softly or using words. For example, “Hands are for gentle touches.”
Supervise closely: Prevent hitting by staying nearby during social interactions and stepping in early if frustration builds.
Model calming behavior: Demonstrate deep breaths or other ways to calm down, and offer a comforting hug if they’re receptive.
Preschoolers (4–6 years old)
Preschoolers begin to understand rules and consequences but may still hit when they’re angry or frustrated. At this age, they’re learning to regulate emotions and express themselves verbally.
What to Do:
Teach about emotions: Help your child identify their feelings. Say, “It seems like you’re feeling angry.”
Set boundaries: Firmly and kindly remind them, “Hitting hurts. You can say ‘I don’t like that’ ”
Encourage repair: Teach them to apologize or make amends when ready, without forcing it. This builds empathy and accountability.
School-Age Children (7+ years old)
Hitting at this stage may signal underlying issues, such as struggles with self-control, a reaction to stress, or unresolved emotional pain.
What to Do:
Understand the root cause: Ask open-ended questions to understand their emotions. For example, “What happened before you felt like hitting?”
Problem-solve together: Brainstorm respectful ways to handle similar situations in the future.
Help them learn to repair: If they hurt a sibling, they might offer comfort or an apology. If they broke a toy, they might fix it (or help fix it).
Model respect: Show your child how to handle conflicts without resorting to aggression.
Preventative Tips for All Ages
Foster connection: Spend regular quality time together to build trust and understanding.
Teach self-regulation skills: Help children practice deep breathing, counting to five, or using a “calm-down area” when upset.
Be a role model: Handle your own frustrations in healthy ways, demonstrating respectful conflict resolution.
Avoid physical punishment: Studies show that hitting back (or spanking) only reinforces aggression and doesn’t teach appropriate behavior.
Final Thoughts
Hitting is a phase that many children go through, but with consistent guidance and compassion, they’ll develop better ways to handle their feelings. By tailoring your approach to your child’s developmental stage, you can teach them valuable skills for managing emotions and interacting with others.
Ready to level-up your parenting skills, learn about your child’s development, and foster strong connections along the way?
